Love is more afraid of change than destruction

Love is more afraid of change than destruction I once believed
It is a right notion I can now firmly say I perceived
Time and again I have committed the folly of laying myself bare to ruin and carnage
Believing I can be happy
That I too can find love in this lifetime, be finally set free from this cage
Forged out of loneliness, yet full of allure to those who watch from outside
For they know not of my hope to be rescued
Seeing only the smiles but not the tears that I oh so well hide
And while silently moping in my invisible cage, after eons I chanced upon a shinning star
I wished upon it to illuminate my murky days
Not knowing it is not here to stay, but to just tease me from afar
I only saw how it brightened up my skies, filling me with hope
Oblivious that darkness was to descend upon me, robbing me of my ability to cope
I found myself reaching for the warmth, believing, that I was no longer alone
Walking along the lit up path towards the end of which my star shone
But the nearer I reached, it appeared to have drifted a bit far
Until I realized it was naught, but a shooting star
It only intended to leave me behind, for that's what shooting stars do
They are illusions of a forever that never come true
And I learned the hard way again, as I cried out in insurmountable pain, that
Cruel are they who make the ones trapped in cages dream
What joy do they get, out of hurting an already miserable being?
And so, I have come to hate the word love, for it never gives in to my open arms
It willingly destroys itself, refusing to morph with me, yet causing unspeakable harm
Why should I choose love? For love never deigns to choose me
Why should I care for anything, if years filled with solitude is how it is meant to be?
It is wise to not get attached to anything, for cutting ties leaves me bloody and broken
Every time, I pick up glass shards for jewels, tearing my palms open
I can't even count the scars that have carved themselves upon my heart
They gush open once I try to heal myself, mocking me as I fall apart
And I counsel myself, that I am never to find, that elusive sense of togetherness that I see all around
For I can't even be with the ones I love, all along chased by time, the ever-hungry hound
I just wish this agony of an existence would be over if all I deserve is a sad end
For I am tired of fighting destiny on every path that I have taken, at every bend.

A vengeful heart, A tortured mind

Sometimes in following our mind we let go of our heart

In order to keep our sanity intact, we declare that it's time, they ought to part

And we persuade ourselves to forget we have this thing that exists to emote

We abandon it, labeling it as nuisance, locking it up somewhere remote

And then we morph into this social butterfly

Breaking away from a chrysalis of despair

The way we think, the things we feel

We master the art of living without a care

We turn into this well oiled machine

That knows how to breathe, when to smile

What to say when the occasion calls, and to even accept others full of guile

In this mechanical, melancholy world, we are but a fragment of what was once a whole

Shattered pieces of a shadow adrift without a soul

Then one ordinary day fate laughs!

It envies our resilience, that we have become strong enough to adapt

And then begins the arduous part

Where we are reminded almost mercilessly that yes, once upon a time, we did possess a heart

Strangely enough desertion did not turn it into stone

It did not unremember how to love or hate, after all this time of being left alone

But what about us?

The mirages that we have become

How are we to bear the onus of a beating heart?

What are we to do with these longlost emotions, with no seemingly plausible outcome?

We have learnt to listen to our brain

We have thrived this far staying one step ahead of pain

And so we are afraid to unlearn

To live in the same space as these sentiments ever present at every turn

Coping becomes paramount, and we try to embrace the new 

Not knowing what else a hollow shell of a being ought to do

But the heart secretly has a vendetta of its own

It curses the mind for having to spend all this time forgotten, forlorn

And thus the mind becomes a prisoner of poignant thoughts again

All the while wondering, who was at fault this time? Who should shoulder the blame?

                              

Hope Fly Again

I want to lose the bitterness, my youth gifted me years ago
Back then I had let it seep into my bones
Oblivious, that I had turned somehow into my own foe
I had shut away all that I could feel in a safe deep within
Guess I didn't want to be hurt anymore...or my tortured self to be seen
Years have passed and the trammels had gained ample strength
When a familiar wind, somewhat nomadic compelled me to look at it in askance

And so I gazed upon Pandora's box willing to set free hope
I realized it's time to break away from this intangible cage and learn anew to cope
Letting go of my inhibitions, second chances are what I seek
Haven't I conversed enough with autumn? Spring should also get its turn to speak
Imprisoned in an iron clad chamber the heart had forgotten how to dream
It cowered in fear afraid to step out, for all was not how it seemed
The courage to embrace something new was just not there
My weary self had had enough, and to myself alone I tried to stay fair
But maybe it's time to be rid of this disquiet that I have lived with, for far too long
Seasons change and so should I.....all the while aspiring to be strong
Who knows what I might reap or what I might have sown
I want to let hope fly again...for it must not die in vain alone

Ink on my Fingertips

My mouth feels lonely
I fill the emptiness with a cigarette
The thin tendrils of intoxicating smoke slowly help me forget..
Every breath taken numbs my mind a bit more
Worries dissolve away momentarily like footprints on a shore
The glowing tobacco pleads for my patience knowing it's​ about to die soon
I callously suck the life out of it while humming a carelessly thought tune
My lips are content for a short while, curving lazily around a smoke feast
In offering myself upto smouldering ashes lies a strange sense of peace 
My world begins to spin and I happen to like the joy ride
I become the proverbial moth, reigned by the urge to go up in flames, with no one to confide
I can now relate to how a desolate life gets caught in a spider's web
Maybe it wants to be ensnared, in the hopes of getting saved
From the onus of a solitary reality
From the overwhelming recurrence of agonizing self pity
Some may call it self destruction, some unsightly cowardice
I call it setting yourself free from all that is amiss..

Kite in the sky

A solitary kite flying in a rain laden sky

The sullen clouds look down upon it with water filled bellies about to pour..
Hey there you giddy kite! What makes you dance in delight?
Are you a clown?
The wind!! Says the kite in a joyful voice. I am free! Don't you see?
You fool! The clouds bellow...tied to a string in the hands of man dare you say free? You can't!
Free are we! Who fly to distant lands and help conjure a rainbow
You silly kite lost in a puny breeze there is no chance for you to grow!
The kite replies with a swing in its tail

 

 

Your rainbows are pretty indeed
Flying to arid lands with rain...to millions you do good deed
But I am loved by a little boy whose eyes shine as I soar high
The smile I bring forth as I swoon above is worth my restraining tie
For without this bond I will drift afar..lost without a home
The little boy who cherishes me will cry if I am gone
I am free to fly in this vast sky, I am not just a mere plaything
I can induce a sense of thrill into whosoever is distantly watching
Dare I say I grow every time a man passes me down to his dear daughter or son
I bask in their giggles as they release me in the sky, time and again, feeling young
The grave dark clouds were amazed to hear such remarkable words from a playful little kite
Now they watch in wonder spilling words of encouragement, whenever it's time for its next flight
There's a kite within every being who wants to live on
Wishing to sail across blue skies with a home to finally come back to...a place where they belong...

Twilight

I gazed upon a twilight stricken sky and watched as a stealthy night slowly glugged away the ecru streaks

An event so shortlived..that no one would remember of to speak

Yet a lasting impression it leaves

A craving for such caramel coloured evenings deep within it weaves

The desire to witness such poignant beauty time and again

A sense of loss without experiencing pain

My line of vision darkens as the night gets shrouded in stars

And I lose the sensation of drowning in liquid flames

That caress my being and soothes my soul

I want to be a part of the golden brown glow a little longer

For just a while I want to indulge in this momentary happiness, feel content, feel whole

Even as a sneaky dusk steals away this warm cloak in exchange for some twinkling orbs

I don't lose hope

I know a twilight is just around a corner, on maybe another not so eventful day

Until then I would wait to feel the chilly warmth of  a camel dyed sunset, with a heart that has yet to be led astray..