Windmills..

Some lazy windmills twirling against an azure sky
Makes me wanna step out of the car and take a hike
Across a few hillocks covered in golden grass
Where the earth appears to be wrapped in brass
The firmament above is like a glass stained with blue
Brilliant and bright it chases away all my rues
My mind ambles forth beneath the warm sunshine
I say to myself...life is fine
For I feel the wind across my cheeks that has brushed past the mills a while ago..
Lending me some of their laziness while I am on the go
And I am free as I can be..distant from the car honks in a burnt grass valley
Walking to a place unknown...the white streaks of clouds like beacons in my path...
I realize I have been shown
That a barren land is indeed a thing of beauty if you have the sight
You can either sway the wind being a windmill or be swayed by it like a kite!

And someday when the sun won't burn so bright and the stars won't shed any light
I will be free from all that saddens me...
Perhaps then i will not constantly drown in all that i feel
And would treat all that surrounds me like a movie reel
Intended to play out its part
And not let my insides tear apart
It is not a nice thing i tell you
To be in touch with fire and rain
I get burnt a thousand times and deluged again and again
I still fail to leave it all be
Nevertheless seeking that elusive freedom from this meaningless purgatory..

Is it me who has changed?

Or do u feel so..since to your whims i no longer bend

What am i to u? Wat u r to me?

The definition changes as time ticks away and we choose to believe only what we see

Promises made once no longer hold true

The golden colors that once filled every shared moment have turned to an arid ecru

N i am left wondering

Why is it me who bears the onus of carrying the carcass of all that we were?

Here i thought it was a half and half but it seems you are not to be accounted for

I am heartless u say

It is good in a way...i must slowly aspire to be one

It is time..for far too long and far too often i have been the heartful one..

 

 

Affections Squandered

And for a few fleeting moments i was happy as a butterfly

Flying with the next breeze in search of blue skies

But happy times are shortlived and it is not a fair world

You look for simple honesty and at you lies are endlessly hurled

Your wings often get ripped by those you hold dear

Those who shun you are the ones you wanted to be near

Yet again i leave behind a piece of me and head on to what i know not

Corrupt with memories i can barely keep together my forlorn thoughts

I feel less me...one more part lost

Wasted time...wasted hopes...with waste alone my life is fraught

Why this keeps happening i ask myself

And like a rudderless ship i roam looking for answers never to be found

Only prickly questions bleed my mind

My heart silenced long ago refusing to sound

Do i deserve all this i wonder?

I guess yes..for that's what you get if precious affections you mindlessly squander..

 

 

Autumn...

Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go
Amidst a riot of colors we disregard the imminent end..
Soon enough that which is precious and gave us joy lies in wake...forgotten...shed off
And all remains barren for time unknown..
But then for spring to knock and gift a new lease of life
The old has to be forsaken 

So what if the sight of gnarly branches brings forth a sense of melancholy?
They once bore flowers..the essence of good times...of wonder...of love
And when it is time again...tiny green would peep out of brown barks
And set the forest on a fresh new fire of beauty untold yet witnessed over millennia..
But first...let us live the autumn...for it is not spring yet...

life is 'what' you see

Blue skies and flower laden trees..life is 'what' you see
To forget the old bittersweet ones you gotta make new memories
Sight of a movie theater...a bowl of icecream..
Anything can make you walk down the memory lane
Only what once filled you with joy now sadly inflicts pain
You still feel the echos of the happy times
And helplessly remember those who are lost
Want them back to feel the joy again but dear heart at what cost?
You loved..and you loved alone...your folly is only that
You wanted to be offered the whole ocean but a drop is all that they had
Lessons learnt...bridges burnt...but still unfeeling is what you fail to be
Cottony white clouds and azure skies...somehow life still manages to make you see..

Life is indeed a party

Life is indeed a party
Sometimes u enjoy sometimes u don't
Either u are with the crowd or left on your own
U meet new people and u laugh with the old ones
At times the food is great and at others u wish u had to swallow none
There are moments of doubts when u wonder why at all u came and then there are those when u are just glad u got to attend
U dress up u dress down...'coz sometimes it's cocktail n sometimes pyjama
It is smooth-sailing every now and then but you can't avoid oodles of drama
So party as long as the music is on
'Coz u never know when the DJ says it's over human....be gone!!

Spiraling Down A Bottomless Pit...Oh What a Life i Lead!

oh what a life i lead!
where are they whom i need?
is it wrong to expect a little?
why do i day by day turn so brittle?
i can't distinguish one day from another
yet come to think of it..before my very eyes things have withered
i am drifting at times...and at others rooted to a spot
wonder if all good things come to those who demand a lot
i demand none and desire few
and perhaps that's my sin...setting all askew
it is a tired existence littered with laughter in traces
transitory sunshine with a whole lot of empty spaces
i do not know if it is worth what i seek
and if what i seek will brighten all that is bleak
my way is lost taking me along with it
i only wander down an unlit path thinking about a bottomless pit
the pit reflects moments bygone but with a lure so strong!
I cannot help but wish to relive them...knowing it is so wrong
desolation harps at me...my constant companion
and i fear one day i will lose myself into unknown oblivion
if only there were something warm to live by
a hint of sunrise across my dull skies
then again i know not what i am asking for
it might be the sun-kissed sea about to drown me...in the guise of a golden shore...

I gave u roses and u left them to die
I wonder why..
On offering a beautiful sunrise u gifted me an endless night
U disappeared just when u and u alone filled my sight
Maybe i was right for u but u were all wrong
U were in my every waking thought like a favourite song
I never knew how to let u go still i did
Even today my nightmares...your essence they bleed
At times i wonder why is it that i wanted to be the sole star in your dark skies
Was i bright enough or were u just a black hole in disguise?
I do miss the warmth i had once felt
But not the cruelty which in the end u had dealt
For i was in it for life and then some more
Now i avoid all paths that lead me to that door
I wanted my why answered but that is never to be
I know my freedom comes at a price of never ever coveting thee..

if you treat me like you don't care
i for you alone would turn into stone
i would give you up to the four winds
knowing i can't claim you as my own
you can start starfires with what's inside of me
you need only open your eyes and see
but you are too distracted with life
darling won't you agree?
but in a different lifetime maybe i would care less
and you would share you more
and i would not have to be so frigid and unwillingly seal the door
for something doomed from the start i erringly wished upon a shooting star
knowing that the brilliance is short-lived now i watch dark skies standing afar
you are you and i am me and i get that there is no we
so what if a few hopes and dreams were spent and some sleep lost in misery
let's not take that bend in the road...let's just leave it be...

If...

I can walk a thousand miles for u
But would u take that one single step?
I can make u smile everyday
Never let ur joy ebb

I will capture stars for u
But u have to be my galaxy
U can be my sandy beach while i'll be your serene sea

I will weave my way into your heart
Like someone inspired by a work of art
U would have to gift me all of u
For I would want you whole and not by part

U have to promise me wings
And i would keep u safe and warm
U need to woo me with tales
On rainy days and nights filled with storms

If u be my sunny spring
I would be your sweet breeze
If u promise to annoy me forever
It is you I would always delightfully tease

I would always be there to dance with u whenever u feel low
But u have to drive away my frown even before i feel it on my brow
U should make me laugh and i will tickle u alike
Every time i see you my heart rate should spike

If u be my sunshine i'll be your never-fading rainbow
I'll be there for u till the very end if you never ever let me go...

U are not what i need
But u are something I desire
For fleeting moments maybe
U stir up certain emotions and ire
U are not meant for me
'Coz u cannot be just mine
I know for me alone
You would never walk the line
Maybe i make u a tad happy
Maybe for u i am just a good time
Maybe in some parallel universe
That would be mighty fine
But i care and i care a lot
For things i probably should not
Soon i will walk away
Until then i'll make u laugh once in a while
Darling what say?

I did have a life before u
And i would have one after u too

'Coz i am someone who can walk on rocky roads without the comfort of a soft shoe
U are currently my favourite
But don't get your hopes high
U think u have me captive
But i am not nigh
I always look heavenwards
Ready for my next flight
My wings cannot be clipped
I never lose a fight
U think u can tame me
And glorify your heart
You are mistaken if u think i am a rare work of art
I am that sole star that might guide u on a moonless night
I could be that hurricane that would destroy everything in your sight
I will never spare u a second glance once i am done
U can never define me 'coz i am the unpredictable one!

fire and ice...

u are fire i am ice
now isn't that nice?
u try to melt me with your sunshine
and i bask in your flames
every now and then
i enjoy these little games
but the mystery remains
will u turn into ember or i into mist?
or would we find the will to resist?
but then we would miss all the fun
and i am willing to witness the fable that has been spun
i know u are willing since u always burn bright and fast
days for u are fleeting...u care not if moments last
but time for me is sedate until i freeze
and it is the moments that i desire to seize
what is to be of me if i melt a little bit?
would u die down or happen to be more well lit?
u possess what i lack
but i too might have something to give
we will see how the mystery unravels
if there's to be an end then who gets to live!

I want to be someplace
Where the sand is blue
And the surf is new
My footprints on the crescent beach
My hair flying in the wind like that of a witch
A wide and yawning sea before
What could i want more?

if it is not meant to be then why does it appear so to me?
why can't it be a straight road with no diversions?
i hate taking bends and losing myself on the way
where on my fragile being reality casts aspersions
i will say my goodbyes to those who greet with faint smiles
and hold on to the ones with fathomless stares
maybe this way i would come across someone who for a change actually cares
the more i digress the more i slip away from ever treacherous time
and in the process of sorting out, my frayed life collects more grime
tell me for once what i have to give for things to be a tad simple?
why is it that i walk through a green meadow only to reach dead periwinkles?
i demand a cheerful hue but am presented with something dark
the illusion is so alluring that the aftermath often seems so stark
how long do i need to trudge before i am robbed off all my desires?
before my insides turn to murky ice immune to even hellfires

It is but a phase...

and this too shall pass
it is but a phase
but hearts will race nevertheless
and the mind will crave what cannot be uttered
in its desperation to be free the unsaid will get mangled
its worth lost
but wait
for all that is credible is but fleeting
reckless tomorrow will bring upon a new whim
what then?
and so reason whispers to raging madness
this too shall pass
for it is but a phase...

Boredom....

across a pale blue sky the sun would bend
but my days...my days would never end
it is not my wish to watch the clouds
trapped within a concrete giant
for my modest dreams have not yet turned so pliant
I want to visit places where the grass grows tall
where time turns golden when it's fall


i want not to sit and let dullness imprison my mind
i yearn to be part of something stellar...where my thoughts are not so confined
how liberating would poetry for a living be?
truly fascinating if I could be just me
no true warmth can be felt in arctic smiles
days spent like this can never seem worth the while
the desire to run away is so fierce
that breathing itself seems a chore
if only i could abandon all and set out to explore
my longings alone would guide me to a land devoid of grey
where my imagination can run wild
where to dreariness it would never fall prey!

Words once.....mine.

what i could not say forever lay on the corner of a sidewalk..
marked by the pedestrian everyday
something so heartbreakingly ordinary yet i could not say
seasons changed..the walk at times frozen..drenched...arid
yet my words lay there...silently staring up at the passersby
shunned....forgotten....unfreed
i wonder how different it would have been...had i uttered them out loud
had i set them free...made them part of the crowd
they would have travelled afar instead of lying in tatters
might have even spread warmth like how a rainbow scatters
what is to now become of them?
for they are no longer the same
worn and faded they have become a part of the cobbled path
yes indeed i had feared this aftermath
a time will come when they will forgo even a curious being
unwilling to break free...never having witnessed spring
such a pity....such promise they held once upon a time
words that were once.....mine.

teach me life how to let go
for you rob me of things every now and then
if it is to be like this
then what am i to gain?
i m my own knight...saving grace every time the sky tumbles
to appease you infinitely am i to forever live in shambles?
the world tears apart and i keep watching in the midst of it all
helpless even though long before i know of its fall
i fail to escape the carnage...unable to look away
and in a blink all that was full of hope turns gray
one day i m afraid i would run out of colors to brighten it all up again
then life we would finally sit together to account for my loss and your gain.

The Winking Abyss....

i am standing at the edge
the abyss winks at me
will the leap of faith finally set me free?
the stars shine quietly above....across the midnight blue sky
i want the sun in my eyes once more
but it is time...wonder whether it was worth a dime
all the faces...rush past as i close my eyes
i feel them snapping...all my ties
and it starts to rain...if only the sun came out
i could perhaps keep the memory of a rainbow
but what to do with memories in all that emptiness?
for there would be only silence that i have yearned for
where thoughts are put to rest...where life cannot jest anymore
the smooth darkness seems inviting
i am tempted...why hesitate?
as if it is not too late
i feel one last time...all that was and is and could be
and finally set myself free...

The Search for Slumber....

blessed are they who sleep when eyes close for the day
free from a cluttered mind and an equally uncluttered heart
they are not burdened with the onus of creating art
their emancipation lies in the mundane..pedestrian smiles
their journey has been and always will be a couple of miles
they wouldn't know how it feels, to lie awake through centuries
watching the sky turn onyx to ocher
never witnessing what wonders the first light of dawn has to offer
they can't comprehend the beauty of living with a vacant heart and a replete mind
for it is indeed rare to come across our kind
we paint from the fragments of our dreams..even though the slumbers are long lost
we selflessly renounce warmth for the love of frost
we tredge though debris of ages in search of a memory golden
we cherish and grant life to all that is forgotten and olden
the quotidian holds no appeal...what we crave is to be enkindled
for we too live in the hope of that day when spent, our eyes would close once the day dwindles...