abyss gazing at her...

Never to be found again
It was as if she was never there
All that she thought was hers, she has forsaken, hurt beyond a care
The abyss that she thought was her nemesis watches upon her silently
Promising an end to the chaos she is drowning in, a tempting offer to escape the misery
And this time she wants to take that leap, relinquishing her fear
To put an end to this game, for she doesn't want to hold anything dear
Maybe the abyss would understand, would comfort her instead
Life never did so, no matter how much she begged
What's the point of going on? What's the point of trying to stay sane?
When there's no one beside her, but the perpetual reminder of boundless pain
Her smiles are etched with sadness, her laughs have turned hollow
Anyone who cares to take a closer look, would perhaps see an embodiment of sorrow
Whom should she blame? For a tornado came in the guise of spring
Broke her spirit into a million pieces, a fate she could not have foreseen
And now with vacant eyes and a withered form, she sits atop the debris of what is left of her days
Wondering if she should embrace or fight what the abyss seductively says
"Let me wreck you until there is nothing left of you dear girl
Let me swallow you whole, and I promise, you would never need to unfurl
I will make you numb to all that tortures you, and vanquish your earthly desires
I will build you anew and grant you freedom from this life akin to hellfire"
Would she fall? Or would she survive? Is the question that remains
Perhaps she should just abandon life how it abandoned her at every turn, for isn't that road the most humane?

Love is more afraid of change than destruction

Love is more afraid of change than destruction I once believed
It is a right notion I can now firmly say I perceived
Time and again I have committed the folly of laying myself bare to ruin and carnage
Believing I can be happy
That I too can find love in this lifetime, be finally set free from this cage
Forged out of loneliness, yet full of allure to those who watch from outside
For they know not of my hope to be rescued
Seeing only the smiles but not the tears that I oh so well hide
And while silently moping in my invisible cage, after eons I chanced upon a shinning star
I wished upon it to illuminate my murky days
Not knowing it is not here to stay, but to just tease me from afar
I only saw how it brightened up my skies, filling me with hope
Oblivious that darkness was to descend upon me, robbing me of my ability to cope
I found myself reaching for the warmth, believing, that I was no longer alone
Walking along the lit up path towards the end of which my star shone
But the nearer I reached, it appeared to have drifted a bit far
Until I realized it was naught, but a shooting star
It only intended to leave me behind, for that's what shooting stars do
They are illusions of a forever that never come true
And I learned the hard way again, as I cried out in insurmountable pain, that
Cruel are they who make the ones trapped in cages dream
What joy do they get, out of hurting an already miserable being?
And so, I have come to hate the word love, for it never gives in to my open arms
It willingly destroys itself, refusing to morph with me, yet causing unspeakable harm
Why should I choose love? For love never deigns to choose me
Why should I care for anything, if years filled with solitude is how it is meant to be?
It is wise to not get attached to anything, for cutting ties leaves me bloody and broken
Every time, I pick up glass shards for jewels, tearing my palms open
I can't even count the scars that have carved themselves upon my heart
They gush open once I try to heal myself, mocking me as I fall apart
And I counsel myself, that I am never to find, that elusive sense of togetherness that I see all around
For I can't even be with the ones I love, all along chased by time, the ever-hungry hound
I just wish this agony of an existence would be over if all I deserve is a sad end
For I am tired of fighting destiny on every path that I have taken, at every bend.

A vengeful heart, A tortured mind

Sometimes in following our mind we let go of our heart

In order to keep our sanity intact, we declare that it's time, they ought to part

And we persuade ourselves to forget we have this thing that exists to emote

We abandon it, labeling it as nuisance, locking it up somewhere remote

And then we morph into this social butterfly

Breaking away from a chrysalis of despair

The way we think, the things we feel

We master the art of living without a care

We turn into this well oiled machine

That knows how to breathe, when to smile

What to say when the occasion calls, and to even accept others full of guile

In this mechanical, melancholy world, we are but a fragment of what was once a whole

Shattered pieces of a shadow adrift without a soul

Then one ordinary day fate laughs!

It envies our resilience, that we have become strong enough to adapt

And then begins the arduous part

Where we are reminded almost mercilessly that yes, once upon a time, we did possess a heart

Strangely enough desertion did not turn it into stone

It did not unremember how to love or hate, after all this time of being left alone

But what about us?

The mirages that we have become

How are we to bear the onus of a beating heart?

What are we to do with these longlost emotions, with no seemingly plausible outcome?

We have learnt to listen to our brain

We have thrived this far staying one step ahead of pain

And so we are afraid to unlearn

To live in the same space as these sentiments ever present at every turn

Coping becomes paramount, and we try to embrace the new 

Not knowing what else a hollow shell of a being ought to do

But the heart secretly has a vendetta of its own

It curses the mind for having to spend all this time forgotten, forlorn

And thus the mind becomes a prisoner of poignant thoughts again

All the while wondering, who was at fault this time? Who should shoulder the blame?